Barry on Buffalo

You all have probably had her mouthwatering tasty snack cakes, whether in the variety of Swiss Rolls, Zebra Cakes, Oatmeal Cream Pie Cookies, Cosmic Brownies or those great holiday treats in the form of Christmas Trees or Pumpkins, etc.  What I want to know is how this wonderful woman can produce these delicious morsels and sell them at a price that is sometimes 3-4 times less than the comparable, yet high-priced Hostess products.   Priced at 25 cents for many glorious years she has had to recently raise her prices to 30-50 cents a scrumptious snack, still well below her competitors, Twinkees and Ho-Ho’s, etc. The lady is not only a good cook but a business genius in my book.  I just wanted to take the time to formally salute you, Little Debbie, for this wonderful gift you have given us.  I don’t know who you are, but I feel like you are capable of anything, and I wanted to thank you right away, should I succumb early to my many years of overindulgence in your lip-smacking delights.  Thank you Little Debbie, please don’t grow up.

Thanks to my blogger brother, Rockbill, I was referred to the Sports Illustrated website (www.si.com), to take a look at the entire archive of past issues.   Growing up in the 60s and 70s, getting the weekly issue of Sports Illustrated, which was usually an annual family Christmas gift, was really something to look forward to.  Don’t forget, it was a world without the internet, without cable TV, and especially without this very informative blog, that you have relied so heavy upon for cutting edge information.  We only got 4 local stations (including PBS) until 1970 when Channel 29 was added. I remember running home from elementary school to watch the first show, a cartoon of some sort, I believe.  Those of you who know me, know that I don’t run for many things, so it must have been a big deal at the time, but I digress…

Getting back to SI, it was great to see some of those great old covers.   I’m sure many of you are aware of the so-called SI Cover Curse, where getting your picture on the cover of SI, often means instant celebrity only to be followed by extreme bad luck, or a big loss, or a decline in performance, or a season ending injury.  SI itself even did a story on “the curse” in 2002 resulting in the conclusion that it could neither prove or dis-prove the Jinx Theory, as there were numerous examples of featured cover stars that were soon after “cursed”.   I decided to research the past covers for Buffalo connections, to determine if those covers revealed any pattern of curses, jinxes or bad luck.  Many Buffalonians feel that our city has truly been cursed in the sports world, considering “Wide Right”, “No Goal”, “The Staph Infection” and of course, OJ, our most notable pro sports figure.

Let’s start with OJ, who has adorned the cover more than any other Buffalo athlete, appearing five times: July 1969, August 1969, October 1973, September 1974, and finally in October 1990.  The first ’69 issue centered around the fact that he could afford to hold out until he got the rookie contract that he thought he deserved, and a month later, after his first preseason game (wearing #36), indicating that it appeared he was worth the big contract.  ’73 highlights his attempt to break the rushing record while ’74’s Pro Football Preview issue celebrates his 2,003 yard record breaking accomplishment.  I’d have to say at this point it appears that there is no curse, no jinx, as he ascends to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  The ’90 issue, well after his storied career had come to an end, questions why no running backs can perform like my boyhood hero  did.  Well, SI apparently went to the well once too often, as we all know the rest of the story and the “curse”, that was not placed on OJ, but on his two innocent victims and their families. 

Garfield Heard and Bob McAdoo, from our beloved NBA Buffalo Braves, appeared in April 1975 and March 1976, respectively.  While the “jinx” surely didn’t hit these athletes individually, it saved it’s wrath for our entire city, in 1978, when greedy owners shuffled our team to San Diego, renamed them the Clippers and the pest of a curse continues to follow that franchise to this day.

 The Super Bowl Years gave us Bruce Smith in September 1991, the Big Bad Bills in December 1991 and Thurman Thomas and the Super Bills in January 1992.   Well bad things come in threes and these three issues preceded Super Bowl Losses II, III and IV (can you say curse, curser, cursest). 

Three issues (December 1966, January 1981 and December 2000) covering a 34 year span feature covers that show running backs shredding Buffalo defenses. Wow, does that mean we’re up to 42 years of weak run defense now?

Our only Sabre  to grace the cover was our beloved #11 Gilbert Perreault in February 1973.  All I can say is, “Have we won a Stanley Cup since this issue?”  Doug Flutie led the Bills charge in November 1998, solidifying his loss of the QB job to our old underachieving pal Rob Johnson.  Sam Adams and Drew Bledsoe’s Bills appeared in September 2003.  It is in these years that the curse actually took a human form and called itself Tom Donohoe.

Two covers feature Buffalo athletes who faced their personal challenges before their cover pictures appeared.  Bob Kalsu, a Bills tackle who was killed in Viet Nam, was honored in July 2001 and Kevin Everett’s courageous battle was featured in the December 2007 issues. 

I think the curse has taken it’s toll but let’s hope that the most recent cover featuring Everett’s and others tremendous efforts to “beat the odds” in his tragedy will begin the trend toward positive results for our  sports franchises.

I’ll continue to look forward to any cover until it features the Toronto Bills, then I’ll just limit my purchase to the swimsuit issue (for the articles,of course). 

1. Start an “exploratory” committee to determine if Nagafooki can make a successful 2008 presidential bid
2. Show up to school or work wearing a wall clock around your neck and a Viking hat.
3. Learn about Six Sigma to find out if it has anything to do with twin Tri-Sigma sorority sisters.
4. Find a new job title for Larry the Cable Guy.
5. Download some Rick Astley music.
6. Help me fine tune my reality TV show, “The King” – Elvis impersonator talent contest but also contestants living in a house like “Big Brother”.
7. Plan a vacation around a visit to the Bass Pro Shop in Clarksville, IN.
8. Become Client #10
9. Find a minor celebrity in your hometown and follow them around with a camera, all the time, paparazzi style.
10. Write a “bloguest” (guest blog) for Barry, can’t you see I’m struggling here?!!!!

1.      Come up with a captaincy rotation for Lindy for next year.  Also explain to me why the coach gets to pick the captain.   Shouldn’t the players vote?  Can’t the coach in some sense protect his own turf by hand-picking his own personal choice?  C’mon Lindy, name Roy or Pomminville (or both) and get on with it.

2.      Think of better nicknames for the players (c’mon Roysie, Millsie, Van?)

3.      See how many words you can make out of Afinogenov, Kalinin, Numminen  and Thibault while you still see have access to their correct spelling on the roster.

4.      Shave daily – no playoff beards, right?

5.      Study medicine and predict Tim Connolly’s next season ending injury.

6.      Think of Ty Conklin, JP Dumont and Taylor Pyatt when you hear Tom, Larry and Darcy talk about our problems due to the “marketplace”.

7.      Think of a suggestion for a full time “power play only” coach.  Do we have one, if not, why not, if so, fire him.  

8.      Think of other odd jobs for Andrew Peters to keep him around without actually ever having to play him (Larry Quinn’s bodyguard?).

9.      Find the quickest route for South Buffalo’s Tim Kennedy from his parent’s house to the arena.

10.  Count the days until we start it all over again…I know I’ll be back! Go Sabres!

Once in awhile, this blog will tackle something that no other blog would dare touch, even if they had this rare, but extraordinary, information.   This information has never been released before, that I’m aware of, but it is of such significance that it could topple the mighty Disney Corporation. 

During a recent illness, and some “couch” time, I stumbled across an old favorite movie of mine, the 1964 Warner Brothers classic, “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”, starring Don Knotts.  Although, I’d like to do a full review, my kids have ruled against it, as they claim it will be a turn-off to some of our younger bloggers.  I’m guessing, however, that the release of what I am about to tell you, will generate a new interest in this movie, as it has strong ties to a movie that the younger generation does have familiarity with, Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”. 

To set the scene I would like to provide a description of Limpet from Amazon.com: “Starring the irrepressible Don Knotts, this 1964 family feature combines live (land) action and animated (undersea) sequences with delightful results. During World War II, Knotts is mild-mannered, spectacle-sporting bookkeeper Henry Limpet. More than anything–he’s a fish fan and a patriot. When the navy rejects him due to poor eyesight, he falls into a funk from which not even his beloved aquarium or loving–if bossy–wife can rescue him. So he makes a wish… to become a fish. Next thing he knows–he is! With a little help from a hermit crab named Crusty and the lovely Ladyfish, it’s as a talking, bespectacled fish that Limpet proves himself the war hero he always knew he was meant to be.” 

In researching this blog, I did discover that Jim Carrey is pushing a re-make, but I wouldn’t wait, the original plays on HBO Family, or is available at any video store. 

As my first viewing in probably more than 30 years of a movie I probably saw ten times before, I came to a startling revelation, Limpet’s good pal, Crusty the Crab, is an original version to what I find out now to be a way too similar character that was introduced much, much later in time, Disney’s famous crab, Sebastian.    Eerie parallels in looks, mannerisms and language, including a saying, correct me if I’m wrong youngsters, that I believe Sebastian used, “jumping jellyfish”.  I was truly shocked at such blatant animatronic plagiarism. 

Those of us who have been to Orlando or purchased Disney merchandise have certainly at least thought of the term “rip-off” in a monetary sense, but to find out that we’re spending our money on “rip-off” characters makes me downright “crabby”.     

Remember, you won’t find this kind of information on your normal run of the mill blog…

To hear the boos as Bush walked out on the field to throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game, broadcast throughout the world on ESPN last night, really disappointed me.    The beauty of our country is that it does allow such behavior but the ugly reality is that people don’t recognize that they are also disparaging the position itself, the Presidency.  If you don’t want to cheer the man, don’t, I’m sure he’d get the message by your lack of response, but show some decency and respect toward your country and the toughest job in an extremely complicated and difficult world.   

I don’t know if you’ve been following the local news story of a pastor who had been reported missing by his wife only to be found in an Ohio strip club a day later.  It is an unfortunate family event and I hope that they are able to work things out and get the help that they need.   

Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to the good old days when a man could reach his boiling point and go out on a two day “bender” only to face the perfectly deserved ridicule, scorn and embarrassment of his wife and family without having to have his face plastered all over the local news and newspaper.  

Is it necessary for the whole world to know what he drank, how many lap dances he had and his concern over the cost of said dances? C’mon mainstream media, that’s not news, let the family deal with it in private, and let’s take the Reverend at his word, “I have no idea how I got there!” 

The oceanic term “sea crest” may be defined as the pinnacle of the ocean, the highest wave, the peak of the sea. Turn on any radio or TV and you will certainly arrive quickly at an uncanny homonym, “Seacrest”, followed by the rapid realization that “sea crest” and “Seacrest” are also synonyms in terms of pinnacle, height and being at the top. 

Yes, I am talking about “the” Ryan Seacrest, who has quickly been elevated to the most recognizable, sought after entertainer of the day.  The ubiquitous one is always present, whether it be hosting American Idol, E News, the Super Bowl pre-game, the Red Carpet at the Oscars, Rockin’ the New Year or his weekly “top 40” radio gig. He is riding a tidal wave of success and is at the peak crest of his profession. 

Love him or hate him, this modern day Dick Clark with the wide smile may be of small stature but he has enormous talent, juggling his many assignments seemingly with ease.  He consistently shines weekly on his American Idol appearances, effortlessly managing the flow of a live show with it’s many personalities, egos, and inexperienced stage performers.  He especially holds his own with the judges, particularly with his frequent banter with the pesky Simon Cowell.   In whatever he does, the man comes off as knowledgeable, smooth and entertaining.    

After actor Gary Busey infamously stormed Seacrest on the Red Carpet while interviewing Jennifer Garner he offered the following explanation the next day on Ryan’s radio show: 

“And then you captured me. You are to me, when you’re working, an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery without looking like you are reading a script. Everything looks spontaneous. What spontaneity is — spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation began. And you have that naturally, so I just wanted to pay you a compliment.”  

Well said Mr. Busey, even with a killer hangover.   I just do not have a feeling that the rest of the world shares mine and Busey’s feelings.  Perhaps it is Seacrest’s sexual ambiguity that make people afraid to show their true feelings, perhaps it’s just his over-exposure or perhaps it’s just plain jealousy.  I wouldn’t say that I share Busey’s deep “man crush” but to steal a quote from the famous Nagafooki, “There are over 6 billion people alive today. Out of all of those I consider Ryan my friend”.   

QABFLO Out!…… but I would like you to share your personal comments on the new King of All Media…

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Still haven’t been able to figure out the mysterious Nagafooki but as long as the checks don’t bounce I’ll continue to display his/her link. When I clicked it for the first time, I didn’t know whether I should be flattered or call the police cyber squad.

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