Barry on Buffalo

I watched a lot of NFL draft coverage this weekend, especially on Saturday.  As a person who knows very little about college football, I admit to relying heavily on the ESPN team for my information.  I thought the Saturday group had a weak outing; Berman and Mortenson weren’t their usual good selves, Young wouldn’t shut up and I stopped listening to Keyshawn when he suggested that Chad Johnson wasn’t making enough money.  Who’s that leave?, the self-proclaimed guru of the NFL Draft, Mel Kiper, Jr.   So it got me to thinking, “Who the hell is Mel anyways?”.

Kiper is president of Draft Publications Inc., which he founded in 1981 while in Essex Community College. It is responsible for all aspects of two annual publications: NFL Draft Report and Draft Preview. ESPN Media Zone indicates that “his continuous, year-long research is aided by an office equipped with satellite dishes allowing him to pick up 20 to 25 college games each week”.

Still don’t have an answer to, “Who the hell is Mel anyways?”.  To his credit, its sounds to me that he is not only “self-proclaimed” but “self-invented”, as well.  The community college sports geek with no football playing, coaching or administrative experience, at any level, has parlayed his obsession into a thriving business and, even with a face (and hairdo) for radio, a national television contract.  He has had his run-ins with NFL GMs, coaches and administrators, and his track record is certainly not perfect, as his Wikipedia entry clearly details http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Kiper.  Love him or hate him, however, he saw an untapped business opportunity and ran with it like a 4.27 second 40 yard dash.   Anybody who can get rich by watching 20-25 football games a week, has done something right in my book.

I’ll admit that once the Bills picks were announced, I needed to know right away, what did the community college dropout with no football experience think?  What was Mel’s grade?  Why did they take the cornerback McKelvin, when Mel had someone listed ahead of him at the position?  

I am sorry that I wasted your time, because I don’t think I was able to answer that age old question, “Who the hell is Mel anyways?” but I do know after watching the other analysts on ESPN that day, I came away thinking, ”I’ve got football fever and the only prescription is more Mel”.  Sad to say, but I needed more Mel than ESPN was willing to give me on Saturday.

To be washed down with a SPAM martini

And then a rich dessert…

I am as much of a ‘tree hugger” as the next guy but I get a little sick of big corporations touting their “green” efforts. 

Frito-Lay recently publicized their re-use of cardboard cartons for delivery five times, saving 5 million trees and 56 million pounds of garbage but they don’t quote how much money this also saves them.  They also brag about recycling close to 20 million pounds of potato and corn solids, such as potato peelings and cracked corn, to America’s livestock and dairy farms. My guess is that they are not giving it away for free and some of their “green” spin is just as much about profits and selling as much of their garbage as they can, as it is about conservation. I’m not being critical of this practice, as it’s just good business, but let’s just say it’s about the ultimate kind of “green” ($$$$) just as much as it is about the other “green”.   If I’m not mistaken, their parent company, Pepsi, has 41 beverage categories, each with multiple flavors, and very few (if any) re-fillable bottles. ¹

The company that comes out and says, “we are going green even though it will hurt our bottom line, but we will not pass this cost on to our consumers” is the company that I’ll applaud.   

The Sabres are even “green” now. Call me cynical, but what does that even mean?   An excuse to sell more merchandise with the green logo, or the color of Lindy Ruff’s face when they lose another captain?   

A few thoughts on Pope Benedict XVI’s recent trip to the US other than:

1. Did they sell beer at the concession stands at Yankee Stadium during Mass?
2. The First Commandment forbids the worship of idols, before the Lord.  If that’s the case why did Kelly Clarkson appear before the Pope’s address in Yonkers?

Those are my only attempts at humor in this blog, so if you’re looking for something funny to read, STOP, although I was going to say something about the Pope’s inspiring interactions with the handicapped (both the children and the President) but I will not include that.  (Oops, I just did)

The Pope certainly touched a lot of young and old Catholics and non-Catholics alike during his extraordinary visit.  He seems like a courageous, dedicated, intelligent and peaceful leader.  His efforts to address the most serious of issues, the abuse scandal, and to reach out directly to the abuse victims and his interaction with the handicapped children were the most memorable for me.  Also, his trips to Ground Zero and the White House symbolizes how strong his efforts are in achieving Peace in the world.   

My only beef is, why are US papal visits so infrequent?  This is only the third pope to visit the US.  My research indicates that John Paul II was last here in 1999 (30 hours in St. Louis), he made other quick stops (layovers in Alaska in 1981 and 1984, UN address in 1995, quick meetings in 1979 and 1987).  It appears his only extended visit was 1993’s appearance at World Youth Day in Denver.  Previous to John Paul II, Paul VI visited only once in 1965 (UN address).

I don’t think we deserve special treatment, but in a world in which the US has such a huge influence, in a time when US vocations are at an all-time low, and in a time when scandal was rampant in the US church, I believe that a more frequent visible presence with the type of interaction he had with the faithful, will go a long, long way.   In a society where religion is sometimes put on the back burner, it was great to see it spotlighted.   The US does in fact have the third largest Catholic population and based upon the numbers below, it is striking that a Pope from North or South America has never been chosen.  Thank you Pope Benedict for your inspirational visit and “y’all come back now, ya hear”.

Top 10 Nations with Most Catholics

After talking to Rockbill regarding some comments that he made to the blog that were never posted I found out that they had been automatically “quarantined” in a blog SPAM file.  My apologies, Rockbill.  Even though you think it’s OK to boo the President at a baseball game, I still never intended that your comments be spammed out.   Lucky for everyone though that it got me to thinking about the word “SPAM”.

In culinary terms, SPAM is a delicacy manufactured by Hormel Foods containing ham, pork, sugar, salt, water, a little potato starch, and a mere hint of sodium nitrite in a vacuum packed can that does not require refrigeration and will basically last forever.  Originally called Hormel Spiced Ham, the product manufactured since 1926, had a name change in 1937 after a friend of the Hormel family came up with SPAM at a New Year’s Eve party.  There was no alcohol involved there, huh?  During World War II, sales boomed as not only was SPAM great for the military, as it required no refrigeration, it wasn’t rationed as beef was, so it became a prime staple in American meals. Nikita Kruschev credits SPAM with the survival of the Russian Army during WWII (there’s an inside Bizzle Bros. joke with Nagafooki, regarding Russian vomit, but I will not dwell on that here.)

So why is such a high-quality, salty ham and pork product (ham is pork, isn’t it?) with a prestigious name like SPAM with such a storied history (6 billion cans sold) associated with such a negative activity on the internet? We all know that SPAM means unwanted, un-solicited e-mail, blog comments, etc.  

 I may be the last person in the world to know this but the use of the term ‘SPAM’ was adopted as a result of the Monty Python skit where a  restaurant serves all its food with lots of SPAM, and the waitress repeats the word several times in describing how much SPAM is in the items. When she does this, a group of Vikings in the corner start a song: “Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam! Wonderful spam!” in an increasing crescendo, drowning out other conversation. Hence, the analogy that unsolicited email was drowning out normal business on the Internet.

Pierre Jean “Buster” Martin completed the London Marathon this week in ten hours. Buster claims he is 101 years old, which would make him the oldest runner to complete a marathon, however, the Guinness World Record people will not acknowledge it, since they have not been able to verify his age. 

The centenarian, who decided to take on the 26.2 mile challenge to raise money for his favorite children’s charity, said afterwards that he would have completed the course much quicker but for his regular beer and cigarette breaks.  Upon finishing his 10 hour charity run, the first thing Buster said was ‘where’s my beer?’ When told of Guinness’ decision, Buster commented, ”I don’t care about any Guinness world record, the only Guinness I’m interested in is one I can drink.”

Buster, who is still employed by Pimlico Plumbing, showed up to work the next day at 7:30 am, while his 31 year old trainer,  needed two days off to recuperate.  Buster has a child that is 87, Roberto, just 14 years his junior. 

Record or not, Buster is truly a “man’s man”, and for that, I recognize him with a Barry On Buffalo Blogmaster Award, or “Bloggy”, joining the blog’s only other honoree, Jack LaLanne, the 94 year old fitness guru, who I thought was dead.  Buster, I salute you, and if Jack starts smokin’ and drinkin’, he too may live long enough to match your great accomplishment.  God speed, Jack and Buster.

Seeing previews for the new movie, “Baby Mama”, starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, brought back fond memories, for me, of ex- Bills running back, Willis McGahee. 

During an interview with the Orlando Sentinel in 2006, he was asked what was more troublesome, an ex-wife or a “baby momma” (an urban slang).

McGahee, who was not married, said a baby momma, “Because they feel like they should be a part of your life for 18 years. An ex-wife, you can get away from her. A baby momma, you can’t get away from her until the child is 18 or older. They’re going to constantly ask you for money. They just want to nag you for no reason, just because they can.”

McGahee attempted to clarify those statements:

“I was saying baby mommas in general,” he said. “I wasn’t talking about my baby’s momma because we are cool. We have a good relationship. It’s not about money. I take care of my kids. I hear other people talk about their baby’s mommas doing this and doing that, so that’s why I said baby mommas are worse.”

Blogmaster’s Note: what I find to be a lot of fun is to actual read this blog aloud, slowly and clearly, to other people in the room.  Try it, you’ll find that the results are fascinating.

The young people won’t get this blog but have you ever seen a name or a story where you come to the conclusion, “Wow I didn’t know he/she was still alive!”. I thought it important to point out some names of people that I thought were dead but to later find out, surprisingly, that they are still alive:

1. Jack LaLanne (Fitness Guru) – 94 years young – That makes sense I guess.
2. Ernest Borgnine (Actor) McHale’s Navy, Poseidon Adventure; must be that fresh sea air.
3. Corey Feldman (Child Actor) Gremlins, Goonies, Stand By Me – for some reason I thought his bad boy “coked out” ways caught up with him.  I stand corrected.  Just found out he has an A&E TV show  that “looks at the lives of former child stars Corey Feldman and Corey Haim living together as adults”.
4. Corey Haim (Child Actor) – see above.
5. Mickey Rooney (Child and Adult Actor) – Wow, per Wikipedia, Rooney will enter the Guinness Book of Records as the actor with longest career on both stage and screen. Moving in next week with the Coreys.
6. Larry King (CNN Talk Host) – I know he’s still on TV nightly, but I still think he’s dead.
7. Walter Cronkite (former CBS News Anchor) – collecting pension for more years than he actually worked?
8. Doris Day (Actress) – Who knew? “Que Sera, Sera”
9. Zsa Zsa Gabor (Actress) – had relations with Jack LaLanne, Ernie Borgnine, Mickey Rooney, Larry King, Walter Cronkite and Corey Feldman.  

 Who’d I miss?  Also will take listings for: “Dead People Who I Thought Were Alive”

You all have probably had her mouthwatering tasty snack cakes, whether in the variety of Swiss Rolls, Zebra Cakes, Oatmeal Cream Pie Cookies, Cosmic Brownies or those great holiday treats in the form of Christmas Trees or Pumpkins, etc.  What I want to know is how this wonderful woman can produce these delicious morsels and sell them at a price that is sometimes 3-4 times less than the comparable, yet high-priced Hostess products.   Priced at 25 cents for many glorious years she has had to recently raise her prices to 30-50 cents a scrumptious snack, still well below her competitors, Twinkees and Ho-Ho’s, etc. The lady is not only a good cook but a business genius in my book.  I just wanted to take the time to formally salute you, Little Debbie, for this wonderful gift you have given us.  I don’t know who you are, but I feel like you are capable of anything, and I wanted to thank you right away, should I succumb early to my many years of overindulgence in your lip-smacking delights.  Thank you Little Debbie, please don’t grow up.

Thanks to my blogger brother, Rockbill, I was referred to the Sports Illustrated website (www.si.com), to take a look at the entire archive of past issues.   Growing up in the 60s and 70s, getting the weekly issue of Sports Illustrated, which was usually an annual family Christmas gift, was really something to look forward to.  Don’t forget, it was a world without the internet, without cable TV, and especially without this very informative blog, that you have relied so heavy upon for cutting edge information.  We only got 4 local stations (including PBS) until 1970 when Channel 29 was added. I remember running home from elementary school to watch the first show, a cartoon of some sort, I believe.  Those of you who know me, know that I don’t run for many things, so it must have been a big deal at the time, but I digress…

Getting back to SI, it was great to see some of those great old covers.   I’m sure many of you are aware of the so-called SI Cover Curse, where getting your picture on the cover of SI, often means instant celebrity only to be followed by extreme bad luck, or a big loss, or a decline in performance, or a season ending injury.  SI itself even did a story on “the curse” in 2002 resulting in the conclusion that it could neither prove or dis-prove the Jinx Theory, as there were numerous examples of featured cover stars that were soon after “cursed”.   I decided to research the past covers for Buffalo connections, to determine if those covers revealed any pattern of curses, jinxes or bad luck.  Many Buffalonians feel that our city has truly been cursed in the sports world, considering “Wide Right”, “No Goal”, “The Staph Infection” and of course, OJ, our most notable pro sports figure.

Let’s start with OJ, who has adorned the cover more than any other Buffalo athlete, appearing five times: July 1969, August 1969, October 1973, September 1974, and finally in October 1990.  The first ’69 issue centered around the fact that he could afford to hold out until he got the rookie contract that he thought he deserved, and a month later, after his first preseason game (wearing #36), indicating that it appeared he was worth the big contract.  ’73 highlights his attempt to break the rushing record while ’74’s Pro Football Preview issue celebrates his 2,003 yard record breaking accomplishment.  I’d have to say at this point it appears that there is no curse, no jinx, as he ascends to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  The ’90 issue, well after his storied career had come to an end, questions why no running backs can perform like my boyhood hero  did.  Well, SI apparently went to the well once too often, as we all know the rest of the story and the “curse”, that was not placed on OJ, but on his two innocent victims and their families. 

Garfield Heard and Bob McAdoo, from our beloved NBA Buffalo Braves, appeared in April 1975 and March 1976, respectively.  While the “jinx” surely didn’t hit these athletes individually, it saved it’s wrath for our entire city, in 1978, when greedy owners shuffled our team to San Diego, renamed them the Clippers and the pest of a curse continues to follow that franchise to this day.

 The Super Bowl Years gave us Bruce Smith in September 1991, the Big Bad Bills in December 1991 and Thurman Thomas and the Super Bills in January 1992.   Well bad things come in threes and these three issues preceded Super Bowl Losses II, III and IV (can you say curse, curser, cursest). 

Three issues (December 1966, January 1981 and December 2000) covering a 34 year span feature covers that show running backs shredding Buffalo defenses. Wow, does that mean we’re up to 42 years of weak run defense now?

Our only Sabre  to grace the cover was our beloved #11 Gilbert Perreault in February 1973.  All I can say is, “Have we won a Stanley Cup since this issue?”  Doug Flutie led the Bills charge in November 1998, solidifying his loss of the QB job to our old underachieving pal Rob Johnson.  Sam Adams and Drew Bledsoe’s Bills appeared in September 2003.  It is in these years that the curse actually took a human form and called itself Tom Donohoe.

Two covers feature Buffalo athletes who faced their personal challenges before their cover pictures appeared.  Bob Kalsu, a Bills tackle who was killed in Viet Nam, was honored in July 2001 and Kevin Everett’s courageous battle was featured in the December 2007 issues. 

I think the curse has taken it’s toll but let’s hope that the most recent cover featuring Everett’s and others tremendous efforts to “beat the odds” in his tragedy will begin the trend toward positive results for our  sports franchises.

I’ll continue to look forward to any cover until it features the Toronto Bills, then I’ll just limit my purchase to the swimsuit issue (for the articles,of course).